Category Archives: Podcast

Day 3 of The Importance of Forgiveness: The Dangers of Withholding Forgiveness

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We’ve talked about what forgiveness is. We looked at the question, what if I’m still angry after we’ve forgiven. I like to keep Rockin’ Life positive but today I want to look at some dangers, specifically – the dangers of withholding forgiveness.

Sometimes we just don’t know how we can possibly forgive another person. The things we might have suffered because of them seem impossible to forgive. Those things might be horrible with no justification – maybe we’ve survived some great evil at their hand. How then can we be expected to forgive them? Forgiveness doesn’t mean we are excusing a behavior. It doesn’t mean that we are okay with that behavior. It doesn’t even mean we are saying that we are okay. It means we are giving something to the person who hurt us – we’re relieving them of the debt they cost us. We are bearing the cost of what was done to us. Remembering that holding on to our right to get even with the person who wronged us, delays healing and keeps us tied to the injuries – focused on them instead of the healing. More disturbing, is knowing that withholding forgiveness keeps us connected to the person we feel unable to forgive.

Some mental health professionals even suggest that withholding forgiveness makes us more likely to become a victim again. The pursuit of revenge or attempt to make the wrongdoer pay, even if it’s just fantasy revenge, could lead some to subconsciously replay scenarios hoping for a different outcome.

Withholding forgiveness leaves us stuck and unable to live life fully. It can lead to a life of cynicism, an inability to trust which becomes an inability to connect so isolation and loneliness. Withholding forgiveness further harms us. It may or may not harm the person responsible for our injury. I certainly harms us. Not only do we pay an emotional and mental price, but withholding forgiveness has been linked to physical consequences as well. The often invisible stress associated with withholding forgiveness can lead to sleep problems and decreased immune function. There are studies suggesting that forgiveness leads to a decrease in blood pressure. I haven’t seen a study suggesting that withholding forgiveness negatively impacts blood pressure but I don’t think it would be a stretch to at least assume that it keeps us from the positive impact of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the first step to beginning to heal, to gaining the ability to recognize how the injury impacts function, and learning to function in spite of it.

We can begin the work to repair the injury BECAUSE we’ve decided to stop trying to make the injurer responsible for our healing. They absolutely did the damage but we are taking responsibility for the healing without regard for what they do or what happens to them. We stop trying to make them pay for something they can’t pay anyway. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we bearing the cost of THEIR consequences, though. They will still have to pay the penalty to themselves, or society, or the legal system, or maybe all three. Forgiving someone does not change what happened. It frees us from pursuing payment from the one who injured us. Others may still hold them responsible for their wrong. We decide to put our focus where it belongs, on our own healing. Instead of using our internal resources to seek revenge, we pursue new resources to repair the damage.

A decision to forgive is to forgive. Looking to God and ourselves to make us whole instead of that other person is forgiveness. Facing the anger, hurt, and struggle for healing instead of focusing on that other person is forgiveness.  We bear the cost of the injury instead of trying to make them bear it. That is how we forgive.

Funny Lady and YouTube Sensation MollyAnn Wymer Shares Her LIght, Her Wisdom, and Her Triumph Over a Secret Traumatic Childhood

Funny Lady and YouTube Sensation, MollyAnn Wymer shares her wisdom and her triumph over a secret traumatic childhood.

 

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Day 2 of The Importance of Forgiveness: What If I’m Still Angry After I’ve Forgiven?

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Feelings are fickle. They change with the ever changing world we live in. We have those we enjoy and those we don’t. We can feel them and let them go. Typically, it doesn’t work to deny them. It probably isn’t helpful to wallow in them either. We can just acknowledge them and let them pass but we don’t have to allow them to control us or our thoughts. This week we’re exploring forgiveness and yesterday we talked about what forgiveness is. You may remember that I tend to lean toward earlier definitions of forgiveness which are more about action than feeling.

It was a comfort for me to realize that I can forgive someone even if I still feel angry, betrayed, confused, or anything else. I can decide to forgive and begin to heal. The feelings of anger and betrayal won’t necessarily immediately disappear. They may return from time to time but I don’t have to give them any power over me. Just because I feel sad or angry when I remember a wrong, doesn’t mean that I haven’t forgiven. The healing and the examination of the wrong come after the forgiveness.

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Anger doesn’t mean that we’ve taken back our forgiveness and are now bent on revenge. It just means we feel angry. If we waited for all of our feelings surrounding a situation to be resolved, we might never forgive.

Forgiveness is the beginning. It frees us to resolve our feelings without focusing on getting even with another person. Instead of focusing on how wrong the other person was and how much they need punishment, we can focus on healing our own wounds. We can explore how the wrong injured us and what we need to heal. We can be available to ourselves to recognize any shame associated with the wrong and place it where it belongs — off of ourselves. We can be available to focus on finding our worth again. We can focus our time and energy on pursuing our interests and discovering new ones.

I was so relieved to learn that the original definition of forgiveness was about action and that meant that I had forgiven. Instead of beating myself up because I felt unable to forgive someone and believing that I had to try over and over again to forgive, I realized that forgiveness had been given. I can now take my focus off of the other person and leave us to pursue healing and growth.

We’re going to continue to explore forgiveness this week. I’d love to know your thoughts on the topic. Tomorrow, funny lady MollyAnn Wymer joins us to tell her story and how she was able to have a happy life after some seemingly unforgiveable abuse. You don’t want to miss this amazing lady’s story. Come back tomorrow and please share Rockin’ Life with a friend. Thank you so much for joining me. Have a beautiful day. We’ll talk again.

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A Millionaire’s Recipe for Success: A Conversation with Harneet Bhalla

Self-made Millionaire Harneet Bhalla

Harneet’s Golden Nuggets:

  1. Write down your specific goals 5 to 6 times per day.
  2. Create a strategy for each goal. Evaluate it and adjust it as needed.
  3. Say yes to opportunity and don’t be afraid to hustle and be uncomfortable.

To Connect with Harneet: http://harneetbhalla.com/ or on Facebook or on LinkedIn

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Day 4 of the Power of Baby Steps: Baby Steps to a Healthier Life

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We started the week thinking about all the little things we do every day and how those things make up our lives. It’s not the big events or sweeping changes. It’s those every day, in the moment choices we make and actions we take that are our lives. For the most part, the same can be said about our health. It’s not the big plans to suddenly overhaul our exercise habits or our resolve to never consume refined sugar or flour again that transforms us into fit, healthy, energetic people. It’s actually much easier and at the same time much harder to become a healthier, more fit, more energetic person. It’s easier because it’s about the little things we can easily do every day. It’s harder because those little daily choices and actions don’t seem all that significant in the moment but they are. So let’s talk about some little actions we can take, that over time will transform us — slowly but probably faster than you might imagine. Start with one or two new habits at a time then add others over time.

Let’s first look at our food choices and how we make them. A simple and painless but effective dietary habit you can start today is meal planning. It doesn’t have to be complicated.  Just thinking about the foods we’re putting into our bodies makes us more likely to actually put healthier foods into them. Most of us already know what healthy food choices are. That knowledge is often ignored when we’ve waited till we’re ravenous and ready to grab the handiest and probably most processed food around. So what if every day we decided what we would enjoy that day — prepared for it. We don’t have to become a person who schedules a month’s worth of meals in advance. Just think about the choices. Plan the night before. Just decide and maybe take something out of the freezer or make a plan to stop by the store for a missing ingredient. If you like to plan farther ahead – that’s great too.

It’s pretty widely accepted that most people need about 8 glasses of water per day but honestly most of us aren’t getting it. We can make it easier for ourselves by keeping a glass near or deciding to have a glass each time we do some repetitive task. When I was expecting my daughter, I wanted to make sure to drink all of my daily water. I did it by measuring and pouring water into a container every morning then filling my glass from that container and sipping it throughout the day making sure to finish all of it.

When we’re making choices about what we’ll consume, we want to think about what we’ll enjoy and enjoy. Rather than focusing on removing less healthy choices, focus on adding more healthy choices leaving less room in the day for the less healthy options. Make water more appealing by adding a few slices of something like orange, lemon, lime or even cucumber or strawberry.

To increase our fitness levels we all know it’s necessary to increase movement so we want to think about making active choices. All those little daily choices probably won’t give us the body of a sports illustrated swimsuit model but they can help maintain or gain a better level of fitness. Everywhere and every time we can make an active choice, make it. Take the stairs. Take the distant parking space if it’s safe. If we only have a couple of bags of groceries and can safely carry them rather than push them in a cart, carry them.  We can pick a few activities and incorporate into our days and commit to do them. If we make a habit of doing a few stretches every morning as part of our routine, soon we’ll be more flexible.  If we decide to take a walk first thing every day when you get home from work, we’ll see a difference. We can treat it as a pleasant transition in the day — enjoying the sights and unwinding. In a book I’ve mentioned many times, The Compound Effect, there is a comparison of two men.  One decides to take a daily walk and the other decides to have a few drinks every day.  For a long time no difference is noticed but those daily choices begin to show in the energy and weight loss of one and the sluggishness and weight gain of the other.  By the way, if you want to listen to Darren Hardy’s The Compound Effect, it’s available through our sponsor Audible. And as I’ve mentioned, Audible is offering a free audio book download to Rockin’ Life listeners. All you have to do is go to rockinbook.com and sign up for a trial membership.  If you like it great! I do. If you don’t want to continue your membership just be sure to cancel but keep your book.

 

So Choose to add a little healthy active habit and choose it every day.

 

Choose a good night’s sleep over the background noise of a television show that might not be that good anyway. Enjoy those you enjoy and turn the others off. Choose to read. Choose to write. Choose to play a game with a family member or call a friend. Choose your life in the little healthy actions you take countless times every single day. Oh and if you make a less healthy choice, guess what, you’re human. Let it go and make a healthier one next time. Remember it’s not that one choice one time. It’s the everyday every moment choices that make us.

Thank you for making the choice to spend time with me today. Tomorrow we’re going to look at baby steps for successful careers and business.   When you join me tomorrow, please bring a friend along. Don’t forget to look for the Rockin’ Life Newsletter in your inbox tomorrow. If haven’t signed up to receive it, you still can at rockinlife.co. Look just under the big logo on the home page and the first of the three boxes there. The other boxes hold cool stuff too where you can visit our Facebook page or explore sharing your story of triumph on Rockin’ Life. Thanks again for being here. Have a wonderful day and we’ll talk again.

Day 3 of The Power of Baby Steps! Baby Steps to Financial Freedom

 

Financial Coach, Chris Rosendahl

We’re talking Baby Steps to Financial Freedom with the Help of my Friend Chris Rosendahl, Financial Coach.

The steps to financial freedom that we are going to discuss are designed for anyone. It’s possible for a person with an average income to achieve financial freedom and it can be done using baby steps. People who have been in dire financial circumstances have used them successfully. You may remember my interview the Iron Jen and how she and her family conquered over 200,000 in debt in 4 years while experiencing job loss, surgeries, serious illness and an unexpected new baby.  Jen and her family used these very steps. Chris Rosendahl of Rosendahl Financial Coaching generously shares an overview of the baby steps that have worked for countless people.

Step 1 Pull together $1000.00 and put it in the bank for emergencies – emergencies only

Step 2 Cut up the credit cards and pay off all debt using a debt snowball.

Step 3 Expand your emergency fund to cover 3 to 6 months of expenses

Step 4 Invest 15% of income in Roth IRA’s and pre-tax retirement savings (after All Debts except mortgage paid off and emergency fund in place)

Step 5 Establish a college fund for your children

Step 6 Pay off mortgage early (you now have more money available since you have no other debt)

Step 7 Continue to build wealth so you can give to others

Financial issues are the source of so many stress related problems but they don’t have to be. If you would like more detailed information and ideas about making these baby steps work, visit rosendahlfinancialcoaching.com.  You can also read Chris’s story and listen to his short conversation with Dave Ramsey. I will have a link to Chris’s website on my website rockinlife.co. I will also include a list of the baby steps in the show notes. Don’t miss Chris’s resources page there’s a wealth of information there. You know Dave Ramsey’s books are available in audio version. If you have not yet taken advantage of your Free Audio Book offer from our sponsor Audible, that might be a great place to start. To get yours just go to rockinbook.com and sign up. Tomorrow we will talk about baby steps to a more healthy body.  Hope you join us and bring a friend. If you found value in today’s show please share it.  Have a great day and we’ll talk again tomorrow.

From Job Loss to Metamorphosis: An Interview with Ellen McDowell, Your Social Butterfly

Ellen McDowell, the founder of Ellen McDowell – Your Social Butterfly, shares her journey from job loss to becoming Your Social Butterfly. She is a Master Certified Constant Contact Solution Provider and Authorized Local Expert for Constant Contact, Board member of the LaCapitale Chapter ABWA, a Certified Professional Speaker, and proud Chapter Co-Leader for the Baton Rouge Women’s Prosperity Network and author.

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Day 3 of the Week of Empowerment: You Are Not Your Story

We hear it all the time. Everybody has a story and it’s true. Everybody does have a story. But what we must realize is that we are not our stories. We are not the things that happen to us or around us. In yesterday’s interview, Monique Moliere Piper talked about this.  For most of her childhood, she grew up in poverty in the middle of a dangerous and violent neighborhood and those dangers touched her family and caused injury and pain. But Monique said “Where I am is NOT who I am.”

Just because the voices around us or more importantly inside of us seem to say that we are in our circumstances because of who we are doesn’t make it true.  Yes it can be hard to separate ourselves from our stories or circumstances.  If we tell ourselves that we were rejected because we are unlovable or incapable, then every rejection becomes about our perception of ourselves as unlovable or incapable. Really, that rejection is just a rejection. Maybe it was for a job and someone from within the organization was hired prior to the interview.  Maybe, plans just changed. Maybe it has nothing to do with us.  We are not our stories or the things that happen to or around us. But we may put ourselves in situations because of what we believe about ourselves. We may reinforce the stories we tell ourselves about ourselves and then act in ways consistent with those beliefs. We may overeat because we believe we’re an overeater and always will be. We may have been in a relationship with someone who was unreliable or treated us poorly and now believe that’s our lot. We torture ourselves with wild stories consistent with that belief when a new significant other shows up 15 minutes late because of traffic or other legitimate delay. It may have nothing to do with our value to the other person.

In just a minute I’m going to talk some more about how we can change our limiting beliefs and tell ourselves a new story. First I want to take just a minute to offer another kind of value. You may have heard me talk about our sponsor, Audible but what you may not know is that I only partnered with Audible because I’m one of their very happy customers and they promised to offer something valuable to you. I’m very aware that you choose to listen to Rockin’ Life because you trust me to offer some value here and I don’t want to do anything to break that trust. So I will only accept sponsor I believe are consistent with what we’re about. I love listening to audio books while I work around the house or walk, workout or drive around. I get at least one book per month. Audible is offering Rockin Life listeners one free audio book. You just go to www.rockinbook.com That’s a special link for Rockin’ Life listeners – and sign up for a trial membership If you don’t like it don’t forget to cancel it but you still get to keep the free audio book you downloaded. Right now I’m listening to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. They make it easy just go to rockinbook.com.  Now, back to our week of empowerment.

We may not be aware of beliefs about ourselves or when they first appeared or how we came to believe them. A couple of days ago, I told you about my limiting beliefs. I knew the my limitations and anxiety in certain situations were connected to a childhood trauma but I didn’t know they were connected to what I told myself – what I believed about myself. I was actually unaware of the story beneath the story for most of my life.  It never even occurred to me to look for my beliefs or to question them.  It took the growing discomfort with my lifelong fear of being trapped that was finding its way in to more and more of my life to push me to examine and question.

It’s amazing how when we shine a light on something, we see it for what it is and it begins to lose its power.  So to change our limiting beliefs the first thing we need to do is be aware of what we’re telling ourselves – the story we’re telling ourselves. Examine that story. Question it. Separate ourselves from it.

Then we can begin to change the habit of responding to the world and experiencing life from a false perspective that limits us.  We can know that we are valuable, capable, lovable and worthy.  We can begin to see other people as other valuable, capable, lovable, and worthy – no better – no worse.  We can separate behavior (both acceptable and unacceptable) from who we are and who the people in our lives are. We can then believe that we are not our circumstances and we’re not doomed to those circumstances nor to repeat past patterns. We are free to form new habits. We can write any story we want.

My hope is that you know your worth and value as a precious child of God. I hope you also know how much I appreciate you showing up and hearing what I and my guests share. If you would like to share your thoughts with me or with all of us, please let me know either in the comments on rockinlife.co or in an email to colleen@rockinlife.co.  I’d love to hear from you. And I hope your day is wonderful and that you come back for more tomorrow and bring a friend with you.  Have a great day!

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From Life in “The Murder Capital” to Life as “The Thrive Specialist”. The Story of Monique Moliere Piper

 Monique Moliere Piper is a Certified Professional Coach Speaker and has been nicknamed the Thrive Specialist. She has taught women across the United States how to achieve greater success by getting their lives out of default and into divine design.

Monique is the author of “Dance in the Sun: Being the Authentic You” and CEO of On Purpose Coaching, providing Life and Business Coaching services to women. Helping ladies create lives they love is her life’s calling. She understands the unique challenges women face when wanting to gain clarity to create and accomplish “big girl” goals. Monique helps women to get clear, strategic, and most importantly execute. Her clients learn to stop talking about ideas and manifest idids. The oldest of eight, and raised by a single mother, she knows first hand that mindset + on purpose action= results. Her inspirational speeches ignite an instant “get it done” fire under her audiences.

Monique’s Fab 5

  1. Success is a formula — Not a puzzle.
  2. You can make life happy or sad.  The work is the same.
  3. Be your own rescue
  4. Borrow Belief
  5. Progression over Perfection

Monique’s website

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