Yesterday we discussed the need for conflict in relationships. According to research it’s actually necessary for a healthy relationship. Conflict can be an opportunity for growth when it’s examined and used to learn. Instead of brooding over what he said or she said or blaming, or focusing on the details of the argument itself, we can use the opportunity to work together to work it out, see it for what it is and move on stronger and closer.
We can grow from conflict by exploring what a particular argument really means. Often an argument has little to do with the topic a couple is arguing. So what IS it about? That’s the important question for couples and individuals to explore. We can ask ourselves some questions to help figure out the real issue. What sparked the argument? What was going on as the situation escalated? What was going on inside our own head at the time? What are we saying to ourselves? What is the real issue that caused the conflict? What underlying issue or issues need to be resolved? Once we know what’s going on inside our own heads, we can listen to our partner. We can listen to understand and begin to work through the underlying cause.
I found a clip from Anderson Cooper’s show of Dr. John Gottman giving three tips on the right way to fight. This is what he said. Number one, without blaming we should talk about what we need from a positive approach. Number two, we need to listen to our partner and try to understand their point of view. Number three, be willing to repair the relationship. We may need to apologize. If you’d like to see the clip, I’ll post it on my website.
We’ll spend one more day on love and relationships and we’ll make this one fun! Tomorrow I want to talk about some fun, wonderful, and meaningful ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Then next week we’ll have a whole new topic and an amazing interview. This is a story that I can’t wait to share with you. My guest’s background an intelligence officer in the Air Force, then in banking and the legal profession exempt her from falling prey to an online dating scheme that bilked her out of a million dollars. She bravely shares her story, her lessons, her hope and her “Woman Behind the Smile” project. Hope you’ll join me and bring a friend. You can learn more about Rockin’ Life with Colleen Crain at rockinlife.co. Have a great day and we’ll talk again tomorrow!
The Anderson Cooper Clip I mentioned: